The Lighter Side
In a very serious profession, where billions of dollars are at stake, we think it’s appropriate to take a look on the lighter side.
TALES
FROM
THE DESK
The accountant & his wife
A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: “Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary.” When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: “Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen year old toy boy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.”
What's an Auditor?
An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
Talking Frog
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero.” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your girlfriend for an entire week.”
The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll marry you, cook your meals, and do your laundry.” Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you that I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll marry you, I’ll cook your meals and even do your laundry. Why won’t you kiss me?”
The man said, “Look, I’m an accountant. I don’t have time for a wife, but a talking frog is cool!
The guy in a bar
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, “Want to hear an accountant joke? "The guy next to him replies, “Well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I’m 6′ tall, 200lbs, & I’m an accountant. And the guy sitting next to me is 6’2″ tall, 225lbs, & he’s an accountant. Now, do you still want to tell that joke?”The first guy says, “No, I don’t want to have to explain it twice.”
Advertising claims of good and bad accounting firms
GOOD "We can untangle your financial mess! We can straighten out your back-tax problems!”
BAD "We can crunch the numbers any way you want! We can estimate jail time!”
Marry an accountant
A patient was at her doctor’s office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, “I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live.”
The patient asked, “Oh doctor, what should I do?”
The doctor replied, “Marry an accountant.”
“Will that make me live longer?” asked the patient.
“No,” said the doctor, “but it will SEEM longer.”
Definitions of Accountants 📝
🔸Accountant
Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. If an accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing, then surely an accountant is someone who costs everything and is worth nothing!
🔸Auditor
One who arrives after the battle is lost and bayonets the wounded.
🔸Attorney
One who arrives after the auditor and strips the bodies.
🔸Actuary
An accountant without a sense of humor.
🔸Economist
Someone who didn’t have enough personality to become an accountant.
Newton's Laws of Accounting 🍎
1. For every accountant, there is equal and opposite accountant.
2. Both of them are wrong.
Top 10 Signs you
work in Public Accounting 🔍
⌛ 1. You think a “half-day” means leaving at 5 o’clock.
⚗️ 2. You think Einstein would have been more effective had he put his ideas into a matrix.
📦 3. Ask your friends to “think out of box” when making Friday night plans.
✈️ 4. You know the people at the airport and hotel better than your next door Neighbours.
👔 5. You wear grey to work instead of navy blue to make a bold fashion statement.
🍟 6. You normally eat out of vending machines and at the most expensive restaurant in town within the same week.
💬 7. You find you really need PowerPoint to explain what you do for living.
🍅 8. You refer to the tomatoes in your garden as deliverables.
👖 9. You get all excited it’s Saturday so you can wear casual clothes to work.
🎯10. You lecture the neighborhood kids selling lemonade on ways to improve their processes.
Discover our POV of Accounting
Lessons Geese Teach Us
We can learn a lot from the world around us, and geese have some important lessons to teach us.
Newton's Laws, 10 signs and definitions of accounting
Learn and create your own perspective.
The Lighter Side
Which side you prefer to work with? Choose the lighter side and learn how to deal against the dark side of accounting.
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